In recent years I’ve related more to the Skywalker family than at any time in my life. I’m no Jedi, nor will I ever be, but events in my life have determined the path I am on.

Luke decided to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi like his father before him (from a certain point of view.) Anakin, due to some unfortunate events in his life was eventually tempted by the dark side of the Force and became Darth Vader. Promises of better things for him and his loved ones seduced him to the dark side and although the good inside him remained somewhere, his pain, loneliness and eagerness for power made his dark side overpower any sliver of good residing in him.

I was brought up in a very religious family. My parents when growing up were Jehovah Witnesses before leaving to become Christadelphians. I never baptized with the Witnesses but I did attend many meetings and Congregations. Although their beliefs were not for everyone, I knew no other option. I actually enjoyed the many deep bible discussions I would have with my father and for all the bad things said about the Jehovah Witnesses, one thing I gained and thank them for is a high moral upbringing.

For reasons which would be too long to explain here, my parents left the Witnesses and my mother found The Christadelphians. My mother baptized within their congregation but my father never did (he didn’t agree with some of their beliefs even though he attended their talks). I was amazed by the strong community within the Christadelphians and their easy-going preaching attitude. They welcomed more younger people than the Witnesses due to this. I met many friends and felt their beliefs and teachings were good. At one point I considered being baptized with them.

Then, like Anakin, I had a few things rock my world so to speak. First my father died suddenly which knocked me for six. My mother and I were devastated. I had moved out at this point and was living with my wife, Rachel. My mother would adjust to living on her own. It was hard.

A year went by and my wife had a miscarriage and that hit us bad, but the worst was yet to come. A week later my brother took his own life. No indication of why. He was happily married with a three year old daughter. I felt mad, sad and confused all at the same time. Little did we know that there was more upset to come. My mother-in-law went into hospital for an operation. We had a call to say her heart had stopped on the operating table due to an allergic reaction to the anesthetic/dehydration. Thankfully, she is still with us. All these events led to religion becoming more and more distant to me. I had my ever reliable wife to be there for me, and I hope I was there for her too. We became our own force and feel that those dark days definitely made us stronger.

We lost loved ones. We had gone through a tragic point in our lives and I guess people react in different ways and that is evident in Star Wars.

Ben turned to Luke and said, “You must learn the ways of the Force, if you’re to come with me to Alderaan.” Luke’s response proved he was not prepared to leave his family at that point.

Luke 14: 25-27
Many people were traveling with Jesus. He said to them, “If you come to me but will not leave your family, you cannot be my follower. You must love me more than your father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters, even more than your own life! Whoever will not carry the cross that is given to them when they follow me cannot be my follower.”

Luke still thought he had his aunt and uncle at this point. He, (I guess like most of us would,) found it difficult to drop everything and pursue faith and beliefs. Luke, like all of us, proves we are not perfect. It was after he found out he had tragically lost his aunt and uncle did he decide to leave it all behind and pursue his calling. He didn’t look back at that point. He followed Ben, sold his speeder and left to learn the ways of a Jedi.

A tragic event led to him becoming closer to his beliefs. Anakin, on the other hand, drifted further away from his original calling and beliefs after equally tragic events in his life. Two men both confronted with horrible circumstance and two different outcomes.

I bring this up because before the tragic events in my life I was ready to commit to a baptism with The Christadelphians and due to these events I have turned my back on religion. Not completely. I still pray every day for guidance and safety and well-being of others, but I must admit as the days go on I continue to lose my faith and feel the path I am on now is moving further and further away from my religious beliefs. Before too long I won’t be able to see the original path I was on and feel that it would be difficult to find again if I decided to look for it.

To end on a high note I am still with my wonderful wife, who is also my best friend. We are both geeks and enjoy our life full of comic cons and geekdom. I have my mother and in-laws and all get on except the cheating at Christmas time during Trivial Pursuit.

I am no Jedi but I feel I have changed paths just like Anakin. I am not governed by anger, power or bad feelings. My moral upbringing is still there and that will never change, but my beliefs have and I wonder if I will ever get to build a house once again on anything other than sand.

May the Force be with you all

Rob Wainfur from The Bearded Trio reporting for:

Coffee With Kenobi. This IS The Podcast You’re Looking For

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